Relationship Tune-up

Dr. Donaldson,

My relationship with my husband doesn’t seem to be what it used to be. I cannot point to any one big problem, but we seem to take each other for granted.

Here are tips for keeping your marriage healthy.

1. Let your partner know he/she is appreciated. Make a list of what you like about your spouse and share it with him or her.

2. What are some of the things you did when you were dating? Send a card, call them during the day, or send a text message.

3. Treat your partner as good as you treat your friends. We often say things to our partners that we wouldn’t dream of saying to a friend or co-worker. Our spouse deserves at least that much respect.

4. Surprise your spouse with an unexpected kindness. How about a weekend getaway for just the two of you.

5. Make dinner time a time to reconnect. Talk to each other about your day. Ask open ended questions rather than yes or no questions. Avoid watching television or reading the paper or mail.

6. When your partner is talking, make eye contact and listen to the answer.

7. Hug and/or kiss when you say hello and good-bye.

8. Make sure you regularly spend time alone with your spouse.

9. Be thoughtful when communicating. It is hard to undo the damage of saying something hurtful or unkind.

10. Compliment your spouse.

11. When you first see your spouse after work, don’t start in with a long list of what went wrong during the day. Reconnect with each other and take time to relax.

12. Show respect for your partner’s opinions.

13. Let your spouse know they are a priority with you. Studies suggest that happy marriages are those that have contact with extended family, but not excessively. Do not give your partner the idea that others are more important to you than your spouse.

14. Do you hide feelings to avoid conflict? Doing so can lead to resentment. Avoid blaming your partner. Take responsibility for how you feel and share your feelings in a caring way.

15. Every so often take an inventory of what is working in your marriage and what is not. It is easier to take action to get back on track when you first notice a problem.



Dr. Katherine Donaldson Psy. D.