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How do you create a marriage that will last until death do you part? From the jitters to cold feet, to the burning questions you should ask each other and come to terms with before you say “I do,” this is the final installment of topics to cover to design a marriage that will last. Some couples see themselves living as the traditional Ward and June Cleaver while others envision traveling the world together sans kids. Frustration often occurs when the picture we create in our mind doesn’t match the one created by real life.
TOP 11 QUESTIONS ABOUT CHILDREN AND CHANGE:
Determine whether or not each of you want children. If you do, how many children do you each wish for?
At what point during the marriage would it be most desirable to conceive?
Who will be responsible for birth control and would either of you ever consider getting surgical sterilization—like a vasectomy or having your tubes tied?
As far as you know, are you able to have children and would you feel unfulfilled if you were unable to have children? Do you share similar views of fertility treatments or adoption?
What is your vision of a good mother and a good father and what qualities should they possess?
How will having a child change the way you live now? Be sure to consider finances and household responsibilities.
Who will be the main caregiver of the children and will that person stay home with the child for some period of time?
Should boys be treated the same as girls? Should they have the same rules for conduct or the same expectations for their behavior?
What type of discipline do you believe in (spanking, time-out, standing in the corner, taking away privileges, etc.)?
Do you believe that children have rights? Do you feel that a child’s opinion should be considered when making family and life decisions, such as moving or changing schools?
What are the most important values and morals, including your faith and love, that you want to pass on to your children and how do you best plan to do that?
What kind of relationship do you hope your parents will have with their grandchildren? How much time will they spend together and is it important to raise your children near them?
TOP 11 QUESTIONS ABOUT EXPECTATIONS AND REALITY
How would each of you describe the perfect marriage? What do you need to do today to move toward making your dream marriage a reality?
Do either of you have a strong desire to feel in control or taken care of? Does each of you understand and accept the other’s desires? How have you addressed these needs?
Do you know a happy and healthy married couple that can mentor you? Who can you turn to for sound and encouraging advice when troubles inevitably appear?
Do you believe that roles in your family should be filled by the person best equipped for the job, even if it is an unconventional arrangement?
How will the household roles and responsibilities be divided and why?
Do you have different needs for cleanliness and organization and, if so, how do you plan to accommodate them?
What meals do you hope to eat together at home? Who will be responsible for shopping, food preparation and clean up?
Do you think of your home as a cocoon, or is your door always open? How important is it for you to have a space in your home that is yours alone?
Are you a morning or a night person and how will you handle the situation if one of you prefers to rise early while the other prefers to sleep in? Do either of you feel it should be a requirement to go to bed at the same time? How might you handle possible differences in sleep patterns?
Do you share similar thoughts on what constitutes a good time? Do you have any hobbies in common or do you like to relax in the same ways?
What activities do you participate in that don’t include your fiancé? How important is it to you that you and your partner enjoy the same leisure activities? How will you address the amount of time you spend together and the amount of time you spend apart?
TOP 11 QUESTIONS ABOUT PERSONALITY AND PREFERENCES
If you had unlimited resources and could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? Do you prefer the city or the country, house or apartment?
Where do you want to spend the holidays, with whom and how will you celebrate?
How important is appearance to each of you? Do you have strong preferences about the other’s personal style or physical shape? If your spouse’s appearance changes dramatically how will it affect your attraction to them?
Do you generally “fight fair” with each other? How can you improve communication in the future and address conflict in a positive way?
Do you consider yourself an easygoing person, or are you most comfortable with a structured schedule and home?
How does each of you react under stress and what makes you really angry?
What makes you most joyful? What do you do when you are happy or have something to celebrate?
What makes you most insecure? How do you handle your insecurities? In contrast, what makes you most secure?
Is one of you more social than the other and, if so, how do you plan to compromise when one wants to stay home and the other doesn’t?
Is one of you more communicative than the other? If so, how much time is spent on the phone or online with others and does it interfere with your relationship?
How important is travel to each of you? Does one of you enjoy traveling or have a favorite place to go that you save up for? Is one of you more of a homebody or feel it is wasteful to spend money on getting away from it all? How do you plan to balance this difference?